immaculate griefs

It is life miserable, empty roads with full of people.
I felt empty as the blue sky of kashmir, srinagar,
I found myself alone like a barren tree in a desert.
Nothing could calm the storm of my anxieties. I was getting depressed, really depressed. I was being cheated. Cheated honestly. Myself was really bizarre, trivial, a waste, a forgotten memory. World to me a masked murderer. .
But the most hated thing of myself is that I show the helpness to other people, I want to trade my helplessness for free.
I wanted to ask the questions, questions whose answers I always knew.

word 'kashmir', once upon a time used to bring images of mounatins, lakes, pink lotuses in Nigeen lake, early morning prayer at Temple in Haripharbat. Shankracharya temple looking at you from in the cloudy day. At Badamwari almond tree blossom in March. All are now images which i can recall but not see, not because i am about one thousand kilometers away from it but they all precious blessings have been killed.
K word now is Killing and not kashmir.I feel sad, when ever i read in newspaper that X number of People were killing in voilence.They may be locals, or Army personell.
There are now more orphanages in Kashmir, "Yateem trusts", as every year thousand sons and daughters of kashmir have to become custodians of the grave of there father.
Tulip garden may be largest tulip garden in Asia but can there red colors be more red than the blood which is shed every day on the roads, small lanes, near the blue mountains of the Heaven.who will apprecaite tulips when there is blood every where in kashmir.

Nautch Girls

Kashmir ,
white Bangles of Nautch girls
Sea ,
Memories of mountains melting into it
Nautch girls
First exiles
Hangul , samovar , silver embroidered phiren
Hookah
Black bangles of Nautch girls
Nautch girls
Singing blues
Snow falling from their eyes
On the sea of Bombay
Red Bangles of Nautch girls
Snow-white feets
Dancing on the sea of wine
Veil hovering
Will it embrace?
Kashmir
Nautch girls
Last exiles.

i am feeling a lot of uneasiness, and helpless in the curfew imposed by Indian paramilitary armed forces in srinagar and other parts of kashmir. yesterday and today curfew was relaxed for only two hours in the evening.
Indian army has literally improsined us . i am now realising how important is freedom for kashmir.
i may not be incorrect if i compare the Manmohan singh, india PM with the Sadaam Hussian of Iraq.
We kashmiris are facing hard time. we have diffculty in getting milk , vegetables, medicines. etc.
no newspapers have been published from last week. even on the radio and TV our helpnesses is never shown.
we are dying under the jackboots of Indian army,
yesterday one boy around 9 years old was killed in Rainawari area of downtown area of srinagar by Indian army.
people are been killed and irony is that deaths are never been counted.

the recent bomb epsidoe in Jaipur famous for its Forts and palaces was really a sad event, and when i read in the newspaper that some Bangladeshi muslims did this gruesome and pathetic job , i was really ashamed of being a muslim.
As i live in New Delhi , here there were no sign of anger, or frustation among Delhities. No body really discussed it. I think now India has developed a tolerance for these type of tragedies.
Delhi is getting hotter and hotter, i really hate to go out, but one thing i llike about this season that is sweet, delicious , yellow , Juicy mangoes. yes they are in the market.
i can hear every mornng fruit hawker carrying mangoes in our street.
i am re-reading Thousand splendid suns by Khaled Hussiani" it is really a book which one should read if one wants to know about the havoc of war in Afghanistan, and the closed society of Muslim world. i was really moved by the line when mother does nt want her girl to go to school. as her mother fears many things that she will be pinpointed that she is illegitimate child and secondly she will not benift any thing from the education as real education is the learing how to do household chores.
yes even in this modern age you will find these types of fears, and hopelessnes in many parts of the world, i wont say that it happens only in the muslim socities of Afghanistan but i have witnessed these type of storis in kashmir also, in other parts of India also.

Few days’ back; I went to place of one Afghan refugee man. He had a small room, and a good terrace; the terrace was filled with winter sun. He opened the iron door of the room, on which the earlier tenants had written graffiti in black marker.
Just opposite the room was a poster of Afghan tourism and a air port was been shown on the brown mountain. Just looking at the poster one tries to search the Burqa clad women and dilapidated housed in the poster.
His room was filled with his longing for the home country, the photos of the wall of two young men, probably his brothers.
He talked eloquently; He was not tall but well built, and expressive green eyes.
He talked of his fiancée that was in Australia; he too would join them soon. He was waiting for the Visa.
He spoke in broken Hindi, but it was sweet with accent of his native language.
Meeting him was a treat; he was a gypsy carrying himself with the city he was living.
He praised the raisins and showed hatred towards the people who drank wine. The fear of Taliban is so much in the minds of Afghan men that still they cant accept the western or liberal life o f style though they may live thousands of miles away from the turban and beard men.

Benazir Bhutto was assianted few days back, the indian media showed her story again and again. In my home my parents were really feeling sad about her killing. shia community had a soft corner for Bhutto family, they believe that Butto's are shia, i dont know really are they or not?
the regular column writers in Indian dailies were not clear whether her death is a decline of democracy or not. some beleive that Benazir was very good at camoflouging her colors.
whatever, i personally wont mourn her death as i think she wanted 'power'and her greed for power was evident when she found gulity of corruption charges some years back.
the people who say that she would have made democracy alive agian in Pakistan, i ask them , can Narendra Modi be a torch bearer of democracy.i think we need to find the rational meaning of democracy in the world of power politics.

       My Valley

Among silence of Zabarwan mountains

suffering was kept like treasure

graves fallen in love with young men

chinar leaves smell of blood in autumn

sun here may faint anytime

black Burqa clad women

protesting for nothing , for nothing dear , for nothing

all dissent voices been nailed to death

in the pink blossom of spring

in long summers

and in the dark winters

The time is running out
Grey colored pigions don’t visit me
I am still unpainted
Like the little girl
My reflection was not mine
The guy at the ATM works and study
The farmer in the hospital was sowing seeds
I was unwanted today by women
I didn’t see any planes today from my small window
The poor childen were runnig bare feet
Collecting the sweets on the festival
the water will be freezing on the mountains
Her eyes will have no more wet this winter
.