immaculate griefs

it is now starting of winter. festivals in Delhi have almost ended but new worries and problems have started .is it really hard to write about anything. anything means there are many things to write about. girls, women, haircuts, outings, old women basking their grey heads under the november sun. vegetable sellers selling different types of vegetables on their four wheeled trolley my neighbour s room always occupied with guys playing cards. our relative struggling with Cancer.my mother busy turning the light green plastic beads.
my friend wanted to see the cricket tournamnet, i was least intrested. he was also keen to see the new release taj mahal.telling me from last 3 months to give treat now wants only one kebab and two chappatis.
life is going on. as it should be. the children are sneaking at night but the dogs are silent,

suffocated temples

these green stones of phalgam

round like breast of women

are temples of my heart

clean but suffocated

under the fast running over them

my eyes search for the prints of my gaze

but they are away

alone ,terrified

waving hands to the drunk guards
sipping rum on the bank of jhelum
but my gaze drowns
as tears of veiled old women settles
in the black lake of sorrow
far away her son is waiting for the prints of her gaze

went to homeopathic hospital with my mother . she was having acute joint pains from some days. a young lady doctor attended her, she was looking too young may be a intern.
yesterday tallked to my fiancee she want me to be as romantic as one is in the ones teeenage years.
i am too much serious about life now. women, luxury , words of love have no meaning for me. only silences of unknown faces can make out something to me. my fiancee is very much right when she says that i see every thing as an outsider. i too feel that i have become an totally outsider to even myself. dont conclude that i am depressed etc.also i dont see life as meanigless, but the way we explain life it makes it bizarre.
just as poetry makes expression more rich likewise to see and define life in the right words makes it worthy.

time here seems so much real and permanent that to say that life changes seems impossible. same suffering, same tears and same tragidies. no doubt the face of earth is changing everwhere whether it is new delhi or new york, but the suffrings are the same .
there is a rat race not in the peoples life styles but also in their aggresion and primitive behaviors.
the killings in iraq, kashmir, and palestine are few of the examples. sometimes i doubt the word 'development or civilzed and modern age.there is aliention in the cities, people are getting more psychological problems than earlier times. if in the developed countries the problem is the aloness , the developing nations are facing poverty.
are not we doing over generaliztion when we say we are civilized and modern, if on one earth there are
people starving for one meal only.we will bceocme civilzed when we will start seeing the suffering of people livivng in other parts of the same world, till then we are not objective in our stand.

what we really exist , how we get condiotned to things which we later on we find a blunder. we never are able to hold time and we never get sucess
till over death. life is reallly funny and i thinkk God is playing prank with us. he is no loser , but the question is are we the losers? many of us will think that we are the losers. we lose every thing relatively, our childhood, our youth , our great companions. it is the God and its fear which we never will loose.

in delhi winter is soming slowly.the recent bomb blasts in delhi will take very long for delhities to feel nip of winter this year.
today i wore white thin collared jersey. and blue faded jean. i felt good and fresh. i really hate dark colors , they make you gloomy and melancholic.
my life is still not able to gain pace. i am not really working. i quit my job after every six months , and now from last seven months i am just sitting idle.
i dont even feel to read anything, even my love poetry makes me feel sad.
my fiance calls me every day at 10 pm night , but she also is not able to make me feel good and fine as this white collared jersey has made me feel